Cicielysrandomthoughts's Blog
Day to day lifeToday
Today I feel…actually I don’t know how I feel. A year ago today my cousin Derrick died. Derrick was 32 years old and had three massive heart attacks. I have a headache and I don’t know if I am gonna cry or rejoice. It took a moment to get over the loss but every now and then I get sad. Hopefully this feeling will pass.
Living your best life???
I always hear Oprah talking about living your best life…I used to think I was…not so much now. Is it just me or does anyone else feel like they aren’t living up to their potential. I have always done what I wanted to do…I take that back, in my 20′s I lived my life to the fullest! I did any and everything I wanted to do without a second thought. By 27, 28 I changed< I started thinking how I need to be more responsible and not so reckless, I need to start worrying about everything because that’s what adults do. By 30, I’m so stressed out my hair starts to fall out and then I noticed if I was REALLY stressed I will get this knot on my neck (is that not crazy!) Fast foward to 31, I started working at this local police department as the business manager and I swear I was living my best life, I loved my job…let me repeat, I loved my job, I had the best boss (the chief) and the guys I worked with were amazing. I wanted to go to work everyday because it didnt feel like work, it felt like we were a family. Imagine, every morning coming to work and before getting to your desk, you have received maybe 20 hugs, we would have a potlucks monthly and we really cared for each other. I guess all good thigs come to an end. The Chief had to move to another city for family obligations and I ended up moving to city hall thinking this could be a good move for me. In a way it was, I have learned so much and have met some really amazing people. The flip side (it always is right) is I absolutely HATE working in that environment! I feel like a weight has just been lifted my from shoulders by putting this out in cyberspace. What could be an amazing job (i’m in public relations) is overshadowed by the people I work for. I’m not sure how you are supposed to stay focused and eager to be at work when you have people (council) wanting something from you all the time. Council is always complaining that I don’t do enough, don’t bring enough attention (positive) to the city, however they are always wanting me to do something. I literally have 5 titles with 5 different job functions and every day i go in there is something else they want me to do. I’m constantly stressed out, hair falling out, knot permanently on my neck, mood swings, loss of sex drive, basically I’m miserable. Why not leave…I’m an adult now, I have a mortgage and responsibilities, how irresponsible would it be to just quit. Is this what life is supposed to be about, beng miserable, overworked, undervalued. I don’t think this is what God had in store for us. I’m gonna have to really make some changes before I’m so caught up I can’t begin to crawl out of this hole…I just want to live my best life again…
Tuesday—-August 18
So i’m sitting here oh so tired, I had a meeting that went to about a quarter to 9 and I am beat. I keep missing my show Hawthorne so you know that if it’s cancelled I will believe it’s because I have not watched in in weeks. I am also addicted to “dating in the Dark’, my friend and I watch it every week and text each other throughout the show. From watching this show I have learned how shallow people are. I missed last week and I was so mad. Well the ramblings are ending and I’m going to bed….goodnight world!
Black in America
So I just finished watching CNN”s Black in America and it was pretty good…actually it was better than pretty good…it moved me. I literally teared up when the little girl from Harlem who read on a 5th grade level but was in the 8th grade gained confidence. It was moving because this one program taught this little girl about her self worth, it gave her strength and is helping her lern to read. She had such a beautiful smile when she said that she new that she would learn to read, her voice was so confident that you couldn’t help but believe her.
The other part that touched me on the show was the segment they did on Tyler Perry, regardless of what people think about his movies the brother has come far. He went from very little to being a multi-millionair. This brother is the first black man to OWN a studio. All of those black actors that said “hey we don’t own studios, we have to make the movies they want us to”, well what do you have to say now. Talk about black power!
Even with all of the issues we have in our culture I am still proud to be who I am. We are such a diverse group of people and come in so many beautiful shades, I’m very proud.
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